I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
