My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
