So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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