he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
