overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize