I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
