I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize