I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I need moral support for this bender
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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