I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
it's like iHOP with fire
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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