Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(817): View more from Texas

Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation

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(270): View more from Kentucky

guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.

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(303): View more from Colorado

I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed

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(519): View more from Ontario

Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.

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(206): View more from Washington

All you need to know is that isn't jizz

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(509): View more from Washington

How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch

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(510): View more from California

i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.

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