She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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