I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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