woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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