just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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