Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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