you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize