ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
