Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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