Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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