i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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