I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
