whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
