I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
