just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Randomize
