I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
