I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
