did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
operation harelip BJ is a go
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
