Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
