walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
