I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
