I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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