when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
