hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
