Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
