Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
