Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
