I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
