I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
