Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
