I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
