Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
