Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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