he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
