He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
