My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
