I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
