Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
