I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
