I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize