"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
