my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
