You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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