OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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