i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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