i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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