WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
