so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
