I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
