she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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