also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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