that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
