you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
