As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
