So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
