...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
