You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
