i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Small penises have feelings too.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The Olympian is in my bed
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