Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
