I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
