Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
