That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
