chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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